Angry Buddhist’s recipe for a midsummer night’s war
By Carl Rosenstein
Weary of those gamey, eight-year-old wars in Iraq and Afghanistan leftover from the Bush/Cheney slaughterhouse? For Obomba here’s a fresh recipe on how to embark upon new and immoral wars. One of his own making, without partisan conflicts, say, against those Pakistani infidels, the oily English, those really ugly Iranians or hash-smoking Dutch. Wars to reaffirm U.S. machismo and remove doubts about the manhood of this executive.
This gold-label recipe has been aged continuously since the vintage Reagonomics era in the ’80s. Its common ingredients will destabilize and destroy any country by creating an unsustainable social order. It’s not your conventional Shock and Awe blow ’em back to the Stone Age formula. This nouvelle menu will do away with wasteful collateral damage: useless and indigestible body parts, not to mention orphaned children. No pesky United Nations resolutions either. This battle-tested stew takes careful preparation and cooking time but it’s a surefire five-star winner. It’s certain to make any new invasion the envy of the season and talk of the Hamptons.
SUMMER NOUVELLE WAR and NATION-DESTABILIZING BANQUET
Yield: Serves up to two nation-destabilizing invasions simultaneously.
5 über banks too big to fail
500 parts ground S & P
17,000 half-baked lobbyists *a
$2.48 trillion saturated tax cuts *b
5 decades of evaporated media
14,560 hours of condensed advertising *c
Large dose of hypocrisy to taste
10,000 miles of thick-cut highways to boneless suburbs
300 million diced, sliced and fleeced consumers
A dash of special Crawford Ranch BBQ sauce
81 repetitions of “God Bless America”
1 shredded Constitution
2.6 billion gallons of BP crude oil *d
12 million undocumented workers
To begin, preheat your “clean nuclear” (actual Obomba description) microwave to 12,000 degrees centigrade. When it begins to glow a purplish green you’re ready to begin.
Mix together in a brown paper bag the five über banks and a trillion dollars in unmarked $1 bills.
Add generous tax write-offs, environmental loopholes and First Amendment rights to your S & P 500 largest corporations.
Stir in your 17,000 half-baked lobbyists and saturated tax cuts and place in the nuclear microwave and bake to a financial meltdown.
Cool contents with clean river water with residual fish kill an optional ingredient. Then add the evaporated media.
Combine the condensed advertising and the large dose of indispensable hypocrisy, a must for any trendy occupation.
Spread contents over your highways, suburbs and consumers — marinate.
BBQ the filling on a skewer with the 81 repetitions of “God Bless America” smothered in special Crawford Ranch sauce available at the new Wal-Mart.
For the final touch, sprinkle on your shredded Constitution.
Whip up the crude oil dipping sauce to froth.
For la pièce de résistance, deport the 12 million illegal aliens to serve this banquet on little red cocktail napkins al fresco to your newly chosen enemy with a Taittinger 1998 Comtes de Champagne Blanc de Blancs Reims.
Ancient proverb say, “Bad alibi like dead fish — cannot stand test of time.” OMMMMM
* a) Number of registered lobbyists in Washington, D.C.
* b) Total amount from 2001 to 2010 from tax legislation enacted by George W. Bush during 2001 to 2006, with 52.5 percent going to top 5 percent.
* c) Number of hours of advertising U.S. children are exposed to by age 12.
* d) Current estimate as of mid-June.