PETIT LARCENY: Cell sleeper | Perhaps the events of Sat., Mar. 4 will give this man a much-needed figurative wake up call — though a literal one may have come in handy a little earlier. At about 8:45pm, the 58-year-old arrived at Bean & Bean Coffee (318 Eighth Ave., at W. 26th St.), and settled in to download some files to his two cellphones. Obviously skipping the java, he quickly fell asleep at his table. When he woke up about an hour later, he discovered that someone had taken both phones — a $350 iPhone 5s and a $450 iPhone 6s. While there were cameras at the location, they could not be accessed at the time of the report’s filing.
CRIMINAL MISCHIEF: Big Mac attack | Sun., Mar. 5 saw one disgruntled worker enact some technological retribution that managed to top even the cult film “Office Space.” As reported by a 27-year-old employee of R/GA (450 W. 33rd St., btw. Ninth & 10th Aves.), at around 4:30pm, he witnessed a fellow employee enter into the office’s computer room (where he was working) with a pair of scissors in hand. The new arrival then proceeded to throw a computer on the floor — at which point the witness casually exited the room, closed the door, and alerted the authorities. By the time an officer was able to arrive and arrest the 28-year-old Brooklyn resident, he’d already caused an impressive $25,000 worth of damage, presumably while listening to Geto Boys on repeat.
CRIMINAL MISCHIEF: Faux cop kerfuffle | Another simpatico destructive incident occurred a short while later on Sun., Mar. 5, at HK Restaurant (523 Ninth Ave., at W. 39th St.). At around 5:30pm, a pair of rowdy customers entered destructive mode, intentionally damaging an ATM, a wall, a set of glass stairs, and eight chairs in their rampage. When the establishment’s manager understandably approached them to stop destroying his restaurant, they replied with a glib “Mind your business, we’re cops.” When the manager didn’t buy their story and continued to ask them to stop, one of the pair lunged at him, and intentionally caused lacerations to his neck. To top things off, they also refused to pay their bill: $81.54. By the time the real authorities arrived, the faux fuzz caused over $1,500 worth of damages. The two — 26 and 25, both from Long Beach — were arrested. They were not, for the record, police officers, though their behavior would be unacceptable (and unlawful) even if they were.
POSSESSION OF STOLEN PROPERTY: Junkie joyride | A little after 7:30pm on Fri., Mar. 3, police noticed a man driving a stolen vehicle — a not-at-all-low-profile gold 1999 Mercury van — and tried to stop him, to no avail. The driver then led the burgeoning pursuit down the Lincoln Tunnel’s south tube (near the southeast corner of Dyer Ave. & W. 39th St.), ramming into other vehicles to speed himself along and elude apprehension. At a certain point, when this strategy stopped working, the man simply got out of the car, and started running away on foot — impeding traffic and putting other drivers in danger. Though he did his best to ignore the many commands to stop, and proclamations that he was under arrest, the man was eventually caught and arrested. Aside from avoiding the consequences of stealing a vehicle, his behavior could also partially be explained by a pipe found in the van, containing a white, powdery residue suspected to be crack cocaine.
CRIMINAL POSSESSION OF A WEAPON: Molly, maybe | At around 3:45am on Sat., Mar. 4, an officer observed a black Dodge sedan travelling westbound on W. 25th St. with its headlights off. When the driver failed to signal for an abrupt turn on 11th Ave., the officer stopped the vehicle, and immediately was hit by the smell of alcohol wafting off the driver — who also had watery eyes and dilated, unresponsive pupils. “I had four vodka cranberries,” the man revealed — though the open bottle of Ciroc in plain sight pretty much told that part of the story. Upon further inspection, the man was found to have a small quantity of a controlled substance on his person, and in his car, a gravity knife and a wooden box containing drug paraphernalia and an additional quantity. “I think it’s Molly,” hedged the druggie driver. He was taken to the 28th Precinct (where he blew a .049 BAC around 7am) and was arrested.
—SEAN EGAN
THE 10th PRECINCT: Located at 230 W. 20th St. (btw. Seventh & Eighth Aves.). Commander: Capt. Paul Lanot. Main number: 212-741-8211. Community Affairs: 212-741-8226. Crime Prevention: 212-741-8226. Domestic Violence: 212-741-8216. Youth Officer: 212-741-8211. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-924-3377. Detective Squad: 212-741-8245. The Community Council meets on the last Wed. of the month, 7pm, at the 10th Precinct or other locations to be announced.
MIDTOWN SOUTH PRECINCT: Located at 357 W. 35th St. (btw. Eighth & Ninth Aves.). Inspector: Russel J. Green. Call 212-239-9811. Community Affairs: 212-239-9846. Crime Prevention: 212-239-9846. Domestic Violence: 212-239-9863. Youth Officer: 212-239-9817. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-239-9836. Detective Squad: 212-239-9856. The Community Council meets on the third Thurs. of the month, 7pm, at the New Yorker Hotel (481 Eighth Ave., btw. W. 34th & W. 35th St.). Visit midtownsouthcc.org.
THE 13th PRECINCT: Located at 230 E. 21st St. (btw. Second & Third Aves.). Deputy Inspector: Brendan Timoney. Call 212-477-7411. Community Affairs: 212-477-7427. Crime Prevention: 212-477-7427. Domestic Violence: 212-477-3863. Youth Officer: 212-477-7411. Auxiliary Coordinator: 212-477-4380. Detective Squad: 212-477-7444. The Community Council meets on the third Tues. of the month, 6:30pm, at the 13th Precinct.
CASH FOR GUNS | $100 cash will be given (no questions asked) for each handgun, assault weapon or sawed-off shotgun, up to a maximum payment of $300. Guns are accepted at any Police Precinct, PSA or Transit District.
